I was in Oakland, CA at Mills College in 2001 when I heard what happened to the twin towers in New York. I was instantly concerned about the safety of a dear friend who lived in Manhattan. I was able to get in touch with her and she was safe, although traumatized by her experience. I watched the president’s speech like everyone else and what resounded in my mind afterwards were his words about how we would not accept this kind of treatment and we were going to “go get them.” I was very disturbed by this and extremely displeased that it seemed we were on the brink of another war.
I wandered around campus for a while. Mills was a good place to be to process and feel into what had happened. Classes were cancelled and teachers were talking with students in small groups on the expanse of grass near Mills Hall. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions swimming around in my head it was hard to have a conversation but I listened for a while.
It was a tragedy beyond my comprehension. So many people had died before I even woke up this morning. So many people were still scrambling to find survivors and risking their lives to get people out. So many people who hadn’t heard from their loved ones were experiencing a special kind of hell right now. One simple question repeated in my mind: why. Why did this happen?
I had a small practice room at Mills where I could work on my vocal exercises and rehearse for my senior thesis concert. It was just this tiny little room with one window into a courtyard, but there was an upright piano in the narrow space. I was drawn to it like a magnet. I walked there in a daze and before I knew it I was sitting at the keyboard writing this song.
It was one of those songs that came quickly. All at once. As if it had already been written for this occasion and I was just taking down notes. I played it over and over that day. In the face of such incredible tragedy, sometimes music is the only thing that makes sense. This song was my medicine that day. I dusted it off and played it again today. I made a demo recording just on my iPhone so I could share it. Here is the song and the lyrics. Feel free to download if you want. If you can, please donate a dollar to the fundraiser I’m doing for The Trevor Project right now. Your participation would be much appreciated. https://gofund.me/c85f53c1
Circling
Is this what you call triumph
Dive bomb a building
is this what you call making your point
A thousand people dead
Before I woke this morning
And I can’t even fathom where your heart is
Are you wanting for memory
So invisible
And your dreams fell like buildings tumbling down to the ground
Are you starving for memory
So unrecognized
Hopes manifest as buildings tumbling down to the ground
And he says “we will not be compromised”
He practices bomb for bomb
If this is God’s country could we turn the other check
Instead of fumbling into third war armageddon
Are we too proud for memory
Too blind to recognize
That solutions are not buildings tumbling down to the ground
Can we finally sense the stench
Now it’s done on our own soil
Oh God solutions are not buildings tumbling down to the ground
They’re lined up on the streets to give their blood
But will it be enough?
The thirst for blood
The prayer for peace
Will we ever break free of this circling?